Do you miss me?

Over a year ago I lost my temper with someone I loved dearly, my best friend.

After a few months of dealing with this persons selfish actions, I had lost my cool. I lashed out. The ramifications for my actions?

I was disowned. This person was a member of my immediate family and I was no longer welcome. I listened to countless people in my family tell me that I was wrong to have lost my temper and acted in the manner in which I did.

I was not invited to his wedding, he didn’t invite my son, his nephew. He tried to get my parents to stop talking to me. It was a whole ordeal.

Now it’s 18 months later. I am still not welcome to attend certain family events if he and his wife are present. I’m not invited to attend any party’s that are held by people I deemed mutual friends. I have been advised by some that all have been told to cut off contact with me if they want to remain friends with him.

I have endured.

I have cherished the friendships that I have, those that are real and true friends. The ones that have supported me through this entire situation. I have connected with new people. People that will not treat me as a second class citizen if I’m not quick to jump at their every whim.

I have learnt to respect myself, to say no when I’m feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of. I have not overextended myself in situations to make everyone else happy.

I have done the work.

But I miss him. I miss my family. I miss laughing and getting on with everyone that I once held so dearly.

But the stark reality is, they don’t miss me. They don’t miss me enough to make it right, to reach out, to communicate. I refuse to defame him, I refuse to stoop to that level of immaturity. The truth is that I have come to accept the death of this friendship and many friendships in the past 3 years of my life. I miss them all. And I am deeply yearning to ask them…

Do you miss me?